Saturday, October 31, 2009
Thoughts: I had a great day today, and I was sharing with my sister how at peace I am with myself and my body now that I have created this challenge. She had no idea that for 5 years I had a battle going on in my head about food. I realized that in my head it seemed like such a big deal, but really, it was a tiny problem (looking back at it now I can see it ws tiny, but actually being in it seemed like such a big dramatic deal), and as soon as you tell one person, the problem sort of dissolves out and has less impact on you. Once you can start talking about it, then the identity starts to lose power, its when you keep it to yourself that it boils and boils and the identity is winning. Because its just an identity right, its not actually you. You are love, peace, joy and would never self harm. So now I get that I choose to eat to nuture myself, instead of living to eat. Living to eat is a nightmare! And today I spoke with 2 amazing friends, both who have had eating disorders, Bulimia. We all shared authentically how it was to have an eating disorder, and how it controlled our lives, and I never thought it would be possible to be free of it. I realized how similar our thoughts were, and I actually never thought anyone else thought the same way I did, which is why I didn't tell anyone. One of my girlfriends said how she would have a shower and throwup in the shower because no one could hear it then, she could hide it, and she learnt that if you stick a toothbrush down your throat far enough she could purge, and then one night in the shower looking down at the food she threw up all over the shower floor and all over he legs, she brokedown, and said thats enough. No more! She declared it over. She had had enough of the pain. And unfortunately more girls than not suffer from a kind of eating disorder. But thats how powerful you are, you really do have the power to choose, and to have control and to say no more. What I am getting from this Earth Diet is that you don't feel the urge to overeat, to binge, you don't think 'im going to binge now, im going to eat 4 packets of carrots'. And there's no room for feeling guilty either, I feel so much love and appreciation for myself when filling my body of earth foods!
Challenges: I had a thought today (well one in particular haha), and to be honest my 'self' felt challenged by it. And the thought was 'what if i go back to bingeing on junk food? what if I can't keep this up and what if i just fail, and can't control the urge?' not an empowering thought I know! So thats what came up, and I guess my biggest fear is that I am not in control of what goes into my body.
Triumphs: Today was day 7 of the Earth Diet!!! After tomorrow, it will officially be the LONGEST I have gone without chocolate, sugar and processed foods in 5 years!!! This is a huge breakthrough!!!!So tomorrow, day 8 will be an exciting day ;)
Food I ate today:
Beakfast: 1 pear, mixed nuts (walnuts,hazelnuts,cashe nuts and pittachio nuts)
Lunch: raw broccoli, strawberries, my homemade sushi roll that I made last night (rice, advocado, carrot, lettuce, flat seaweed)
Dinner: pineapple, orange, lemon and ginger juice, raw brocolli and carrot, strawberries
Dessert: mixed nuts
Snacks: no snacks
Cost: I spent $7 on juice (fresh pineapple, orange, lemon and ginger)
Exercise: 30 minutes walk in Perth city
358 days to go!!!